Her time of the month….

Does she look hormonal to you?  I think my dog may have started menstruating….. WHAT?!?!?!  Is this a joke?  My poor little baby of a dog has entered into her “womanhood” already!?!?  I don’t know if I can take this.  Come on people, we just got done with potty training last week!

Would you like to know what tipped me off?  You better sit down….

I came downstairs this morning to find the little darling sprawled out on my sofa.  When I shooed her off, there was a spot of BLOOD where she had been lying!!!!!!!!  I checked her thoroughly and saw now other injuries so I think her “period” is the only explanation.

I feel like she and I need to go for a walk and have a long talk?  Is this weird?  Needless to say, the little darling is getting FIXED on Tuesday.  I have to admit, I teared up in the vet’s office making the appointment.  Is it really up to me to decide whether or not this puppy ever has little pups of her own….sigh…sniffle….SNAP OUT OF IT YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!!!  WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK WILL BE DEALING WITH THE PREGNANT BITCH AND HER PUPPIES???  MEEEEEEEEEE!!!

So for now, I will pamper her and let her sit, watch bad tv, and eat whatever she wants.  I will take it when she barks at me.  Every bitch has her time of the month…

Get ‘er Done!

I’m sitting here polishing off the last of my shredded wheats and blueberries.  Exciting, huh? Sometimes after a somewhat long day, this is all I really need- just a bowl of cereal….ugh, this sucks!

Wait, just sit back down, this is not going to be a rant of the over-tired, under- appreciated, run into the ground mom…it could very easily be- but it won’t.  I don’t have the energy for that:).

It is uncanny the number of times recently someone tells me, “I don’t know how you do it with three?!”  “Hell, are you kidding me?  This is nothing- one of my best friends in the whole world has SIX!!!!- Stick that in your pipe and smoke on it for a little while!”

How do any of us do it?  One, in my mind, is no different.  (Albeit, my time with just one was just a blip on the radar- I still remember it being tough.)  I’m starting to think it’s just a stage I’m in…you know that memory thing I’ve been talking about….I think this is all linked.

I have three; 11, 10, and 3.  If those age differences don’t make you want to hit the bottle, I don’t know what does!  Just kidding- untie your panties!  I love it- it’s crazy as hell in my life right now and my mini van still smells like urine from some Thomas the Train underwear Trippe peed in earlier, but it’s ok.  It’s just the stage we are in.  My grandmother has this cross-stitch duck picture  in her house (or she did when I a child). See picture above.  So whether it’s none, one, 3, or 6 kids- we all are paddling like hell under the water at certain stages in life no matter what the rest of the world sees.  Some of our beaks are just breaking the surface of the water at times and that’s ok too,  because it’s just a phase.

I looked at my calendar today.  You know that cutsie “Mommy” calendar that has all the custsie stickers for the various kids appointments and activities. (BTW, Have you ever noticed there is not ONE sticker that represents a wine glass, or in the case of my friend with six, a beer mug for mamasita?  What’s up with that?)  You would think I was managing the schedules for a bunch of diplomats the way they are always coming and going.  I really should paint my van yellow and stick a taxi sign on top and really make some cash!  I think it’s when I am on these “runs” that I’m really at my peak performance.  For example, yesterday when I was at the girls school to attend a field trip meeting, Julia stops me in the hallway to get all over me about not doing something she needed me to-do that hadn’t been done right away.  Honestly, I can’t even remember what it was (memory thing) but told her, “Julia, I’m just doing good to get here at this point honey.”  Her sweet teacher just smiled at me and shook her head like you poor thing- and you have three!  I go to the meeting, whip out my mom calendar, and a friend comes to sit down beside me and she must have had a glance at the calendar and says I don’t know how you keep up with three.   Keeping up with them…that’s the easy part, it’s keeping up with me that has me stumped at times, but I’m working on it.

So, with all of this paddling like hell underneath, we all (no matter the size of your taxi if any taxi at all) need that time for ourselves.  Don’t get bogged down in the mush next to the shore, just gracefully climb over it and sit your fluffy tail down for a bit to reflect on what you have accomplished, not what’s left to get done.  You’ll get’er done eventually.

 

“My Memory” or “The Black Hole”, Part 2

So, I checked said scrapbook and it DID NOT have any pictures from Santa Fe, actually very few pictures from Four Corners on, but there is a good reason for that I will reveal in a moment.  HOWEVER, my memory has been jogged a bit and I do remember a really nice little cafe where we got breakfast and I think I remember the hotel (sorta).  So, he WAS NOT screwing with my head.

Ok, so when we got to Four Corners, (or around about those parts) we got word (from my youngest brother) that my older brother and his girlfriend had gotten engaged!  I felt excited and disconnected all at once!  I was ready to get the hell back to Georgia and fast!  I needed to be around my family and be in on the excitement of it all.  Needless to say, Frank was trying to enjoy his last few days of vacation before diving into a new law practice, so he was not all that excited about high-tailing our butts back to Georgia.  Hence, there are not a large number of pictures from the last leg of our trip.  However, we did stop in Dallas so I could go see South Fork Ranch.  Yep, I just said it and here’s a picture to prove it:

 

 

Thought you could all use a good laugh on this rainy afternoon.  There was really nothing like Friday night with Dallas and Falcon Crest.  I’m not ashamed to admit I was a tv junkie growing up.

Back to the “memory” issue or lack thereof…

Do any of you get up to go get something or do something at home/work and take steps and totally blank out and what it is you were going to do?  This happens to me at least once a day if not more….

 

“My Memory” or “The Black Hole”

Frank had recorded a movie on PBS about Billy the Kid for Ivy and Julia to watch- they are totally into that tragic figures in history. (Good, happy ones too, but their stories aren’t always as intriguing.)

During the movie, I really wasn’t paying a lot of attention because I was on Facebook, they mentioned Santa Fe, NM.  Frank started going on about our trip when we stayed in Santa Fe and walked around the downtown looking for a number of places we had heard about…

chirp, chirp, chirp…..dead silence….what the hell is he talking about?!?

I have NEVER been to Santa Fe and I know this because I have always wanted to go there!  I proceeded to explain all of this to him and he went on, in great detail mind you, about our trip across country and how we stayed in Santa Fe and walked around all of these great high-end stores looking for Imus’s brother’s place, and on and on and on….I am still at a loss- even now as I am typing this all out.

This is not meant to be funny or offensive, but what are the early signs of Alzheimer’s?    I say this with all seriousness because I have major concerns about my memory.  He had every detail down and I couldn’t tell you ONE THING.  I mean, come on people, I didn’t have a clue that I had even been there!!!

The good thing is that I did (in my scrapbooking days) make a beautifully detailed scrapbook of this trip that I will be whipping out tonight to see if he is just screwing with me.  Now that trip would make a great couple of blog entries.  Me, Frank, and Jeep Cherokee on the open road from C-town all the way to Victoria, BC.  Stayed tuned friends.

PS- Please send me a brief description of any memories you have of me  or my past…I apparently have very few.

She talks out loud when doing math…just like me.

I have had the opportunity to help Julia with her math homework this week. (Ok, I’m tired of the aliases I came up with when I started blogging so the real names are coming out…as if anyone who reads this doesn’t know my kids’ and hub’s names.)  I must say, that I am quite impressed with what I have actually managed to retain over the past 20 plus years since I was in 4th grade. This week’s work focused on dividing double digit numbers. (Now, for those of you “math” people out there, I am sure there is some other “math” term for this…but if you know me, I am NOT a math person.  NOT. AT. ALL.  I think I even impressed Julia with my math teachings.  Frank (yep, that’s his name) was a bit leery to let me take a crack at the homework- but the fact that she came back for more on night two really speaks volumes I think?

BUT, it wasn’t my savvy math skills that  have really stuck with me after my week of diving back into my role as a teacher, but it was watching her work out her math problems.  I mean REALLY WATCHING- like with your eyes and your brain- you know what I’m talking about?  I don’t remember a lot these days.  (That is another whole blog entry that dawned on me tonight…and I will have to start writing this as soon as I am done here because I will forget otherwise.)  Crap, where was I? Homework, math, my superb teaching skills….MATH!

Ok, so while Julia works out her math problems- she talks it out!  Literally, she is talking the whole time…I DID THAT, I DO THAT!!!  SHE GOT THAT FROM MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

She also likes to stand up when she does her homework.  I think it makes her feel in control of it-I am down with that too.

Growing Pains

I recently had the chance to go to the movies with my girls and some of their friends to see “We Bought a Zoo” and have to admit that most of the time, I live in a bubble.  I did what any parent (well, any good parent does) before taking your child to the movies and checked the rating-PG.  Well, that seemed fine to me (not so young that I would want to slit my wrists and not so old that I would have to bring paper bags to put over their heads and earmuffs to cover their innocent ears.) I did read some pretty bad reviews about the flick as far as it’s quality, but I thought I could suck it up and look at Matt Damon for two hours regardless of the the bashing Cameron Crowe took for this one.

Now, I did have the foresight to drag my sister along should I get terribly bored.  She has two boys and is always entertained by the antics of my girls and my girls think she is the bomb,so it all works out.  The movie is plugging along (NO SPOILERS SO KEEP READING) and then BAM!

“A**  hole.”  OH. DEAR. GOD.

My sister about looses it- you see, her boys are just 4 and 7 so she is still very innocent in all of this.”I thought you said this was PG?!?”, she said.  Well, I did say that and it is- but I don’t think we are living with a different PG that what used to be.  The PG, we grew-up with may have a few bathroom humor jokes, but not so much on the language front.

A few scenes later…

“Sh*t.”  This is going one way….DOWN.  The girls and their friends are all sitting behind us and I swear I hear them all giggling…GREAT!  I immediately start to text one of the friend’s moms to ask her what to do.  Her child had already seen the movie so her innocence had already been ripped away at this point- but I had to save the rest!  I can see her know chuckling as she text me back,

“What the hell did you take them to see?”  Here I thought that I had taken them to see a sweet movie about this family buying a zoo- how was I to know they’d be throwing around sh*t, a** hole, and another I can’t even say because my mom and dad are reading this….

Couldn’t they have chosen other words?  Now listen, I am not typing this while sitting my rumpus on a soap box.  I have been know to say a curse word or 2(00)- but why do they have to put them in what otherwise would have been a lovely movie.  It wasn’t so over the top cussing that bothered me- it was that I had children that I did not carry for 9 months and have been raising for the past 10 years with me.  SO EMBARRASSED.  To be honest, as much as I want to write a scathing review of the zoo movie, the girls have heard that and probably worse (probably from me)AND it was a pretty good movie.

So I need to cut a small slit in the bubble, but I’m nervous- because won’t that really just bust the bubble?  My mother-in-law reminded me yesterday that, while they need sheltering and protecting, you don’t want them to be so sheltered that they are in shell shocked when they do go out into the world.  She’s right.  I have just been having growing pains recently when it comes to my girls- especially the older one.  Next year she starts MIDDLE SCHOOL people!!!  WHAT THE HELL!!!  Where did the time go?!?!  Ok Loy…. just breath.  Is anyone else having growing pains?  If you are out there and have experienced them and lived to tell about it- I would like to know how you did it.

Holiday Road

 We left for Disney World the day after Christmas…the whole family in a 15 passenger van, 6 parents, 1 uncle, 7 kids, and enough electronics to serve a small town’s needs left at 7 am.  My parents, the brains in the group, took their own vehicle a few hours later.  They surprised the grandkids on Christmas day with a bag full of Disney parifenalia including t-shirts that said, “I’m going to Disney World!”.  I’m sorry for those of you who have not seen the video, which I feel sure will be on YouTube soon, because it was classic!  All lined up on the sofa and being made to look at the ceiling as to not get the jump on the cousin next to them, the kids sat as my mom handed out the bags.  Once told “go” they tore into them like like a bunch of  (well, fill in your own blank) at Wal-mart on Black Friday.  Tissue paper flew and I’m quite sure a few small Disney products got lost or tossed, but once they realized what great thing had just transpired- they leapt off the couch (knocking off the lamps on the table behind the couch) with blood curdling screams that even now make me cringe!  And at this point, they didn’t realize they were leaving about 12 hours…

Now, I know you are all thinking that we (the parents of said children) would at this point have everything packed and ready, hidden under our bed so that we would be ready to go…ummmm, that would be a big ol’ “HELL NO!! ”   After many thanks, hugs, and some tears we all left in a mad dash to get on with our day that consisted of packing and more Christmas.  Luckily, I did have the foresight to get the laundry done before Christmas, but I can’t say the same for my siblings.  Considering I think my sister wore the clothes she slept in to Disney, I would say not.

Fast forward to the 12:30 am Dec. 26th….

I’m still up trying to get things done including getting the kitchen somewhat in order (get dirty dishes from the past two days in dishwasher), get snacks and drinks together (valium and beer- well, my older brother was getting the beer), and making sure movies and books were downloaded to the many electronic devices that were traveling with us.  Finally around 1:30 I think I settle down to sleep.

5 am, December 26th…

First FB status update posted…”We are up and moving.”….I was TOLD we were shooting to leave by 6 am…apparently I was the only one up and moving….

I will abreviate this for all of our sakes because there is no physical way to to a play by play of the whole trip. (No, I didn’t put everything on FB)…

1. My older brother had an amazing traveling play set for us that included “Holiday Road” from The Vacation movies and “Coming to America”- see FB for videos.

2. We made 3 stops before leaving the city limits…yes, I said three.

3. My sister and I got about 1/2 way through our own rendition of the 12 Days of Christmas before we stopped to FINALLY make a game plan about our trip (yep, we waited and mapped it out on the way down- that’s how we ride!)  Yes, we have been told by several people since how it was all over the news about how busy Disney was and how they were closing parks daily because of too many people.

4. My older brother took us in the back way, literally we came in through the employee entrance to the park in the van.

5. When we got to the hotel, Baby Girl 1 realized that her NEW laptop had been stepped on in the van and shattered the screen.  Not a good start…

6. We woke up at 6 am one morning to get to the Magic Kingdom by 7 to avoid lines- WTH??

7. We lost Baby Boy not once, but three times!  On the second time we are in a large restaurant and he wandered from the table only for me to FREAK OUT and have the matrade call and all points all points bulletin out on him, only to find him hiding under the table next to ours taking a dump!  I did buy a leash for him and he got upset and said, “Mom!  I am not a dog!  I am a boy!”  What the hell ever!  I tied the leash to him and the stroller for the rest of the trip.

8. My favorite times were when all 16 of us were in the van or on the monorail laughing and just being with each other.

9.  It was even more fun when we got on the wrong train.  You just have to laugh.  The funniest was at 11 o’clock at night when people were GOING to the Magic Kingdom when we were on the way home from Epcot….my mom- “What the hell is wrong with these people going to the Magic Kingdom at 11 o’clock at night?!?!”

10. My nephew became a Jedi in training (not sure what they call those) at Hollywood Studios- great show if you’ve never been.  And yes, the Force is VERY real.

11. On the way home LOML and I remembered that we never went and threw out the two dirty diapers that we stuck out on our balcony- my deepest apologies and sympathies to the housekeeper and/or next guest.

12. I loved watching my parents as they were watching the rest of us having a great time-I think that was their favorite part.

13. The night before we left I realized my Kindle had been stepped on and the screen was shattered….CRAP!!!!

14. Looking back, the one thing someone said on the trip that made the most sense…”As long as everyone in this van is ok, nothing else matters.”

So, there you have it- a random post about our crazy trip the day after Christmas to Disney.  It could have been to the largest ball of twine and it wouldn’t have been any different because as long as we were all together and safe- that’s all that mattered.