Still dreaming…

“REM SLEEP: a state of sleep that recurs cyclically several times during a normal period of sleep and that is characterized especially by increased neuronal activity of the forebrain and midbrain, depressed muscle tone, dreaming, and rapid eye movements.”- Merriam –Webster Dictionary

I thought about her again this week, a lot- and the house.   Her name was Caroline.  I wasn’t sure at first, but it’s what kept coming back to me so that must be it right?  My Aunt Caroline and her husband originally owned the mountain house my grandparents had when I was younger.   Maybe that’s just what I want her name to be.  It’s amazing how you can go for such a long time without thinking about something that it becomes almost non-existent and then it comes at you out of no where.

I used to try to avoid having certain dreams.  You know, after you would watch a horror movie and you would be so terrified that you couldn’t sleep.  I would lie there thinking of all of the happy things I could with the hopes of avoiding a nightmare.  When I was younger, I longed to go back to the house and to visit Caroline in my dreams.

I found myself doing that again last night, but this time, I was trying to avoid going back to that house.   What if she had come back?  Maybe I am afraid she would be there and what she would tell me now?  I am older and know more than I did back then.   What guidance had she provided me before?  I want to remember but at the same time – I don’t.  What in my subconscious made me go back all those years ago?  How often was it?  I went back anyway, but only to the driveway.  I was on foot this time too.  It was worn now, and the pavement was cracked and protruded up as if the roots from the boxwood hedge were trying to escape.

They say that dreams only make up for a small window of time that you are actually asleep.  REM, or Rapid Eye Movement , takes up about 20-25% of the totally time an average adult sleeps- or on average 90-120 minutes.   I had fallen asleep around midnight.  I woke up from this dream at 2 am.   I woke up before I got to the house.